


blood and love

by Repeat_png



Series: Wayward SOULs [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Comfort, Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, IM FUCKED UP, Physical hurt, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal actions, gaster is soft, gaster knows how to maintain a healthy relationship, gaster loves reader, he knows whats up, trigger warning, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22263067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Repeat_png/pseuds/Repeat_png
Summary: fuck, fuck, fuck,you didn't mean to stain his carpet
Relationships: W. D. Gaster/Reader
Series: Wayward SOULs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683688
Comments: 2
Kudos: 104





	blood and love

**WARNING: This chapter contains self harm, blood, suicidal thoughts, etc.**

**Please read at your own discretion.**

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

You hissed, quickly swinging your arm over the sink, trying not to jostle the blood too much more. Thick streams slipped down the side of your arm, dripping into the porcelain bowl of the sink. You cast a glare at the few droplets that had managed to fall onto Gaster's bathroom rugs, no doubt staining them. 

You sat the razor aside as quietly as you could, twisting the handle to the tap and letting out a strained sigh as the water flowed over your bleeding cuts. You watched as the red on your wrist was slowly dissolved by the water, a pink mixture swirling its way down the sink. You gently trailed your thumb along the stubborn spots of blood that had already begun to dry, wincing every time you were too rough. 

By the time you had finished washing your sins down the sink, the once heavily bleeding slits on your arm were now red and puffy, and as you ghosted your fingers over the marks, you could tell that these scars would rise against your other skin, adding to your collection. You simply stood, frozen, staring with an empty look at your arm. 

You remember when it all changed. 

A few years ago, when you were first discovering your family wasn't all it was cut out to be. Your mother had gotten pregnant, and was about a month along. Despite carrying another life inside of her, she didn't stop her horrible drinking, nor her smoking. Sure enough, the baby dies inside of her womb, and she fell into a depression. You were furious with her. 

How _dare_ she have the nerve to be depressed after killing the child herself?

That was the first time you had picked up a blade. You had been looking for a way to relive all of your worries, and, being an artist, you happened to have a few exact-o knives around. It was easy enough to hide, until your friend convinced you to show your mother. 

Now, it seemed almost a common thing for your parents to find cuts littered over your body. So common, in fact, they didn't even question you anymore. Whether it was a heavy sadness in your heart, or relief at not being constantly questioned, you weren't sure. 

But that first time sparked an addiction. One you couldn't ~~and weren't sure you wanted to~~ give up. 

A few months afterwards, you met Sans and Papyrus, two monsters you had quickly bonded with. Not long after, you met their second youngest brother, Gaster. He was a charming monster, kind and soft-spoken, and oh so gentle with you. It didn't take long for you to realize you had feelings for the skeleton monster. To your surprise, and delight, he returned your feelings. 

It was now a year later, and you had moved in with your monster lover. 

Your guy's house wasn't too far from the other brothers, so both you and they visited often. 

With a sigh, you tore your gaze from your arm, and to the rug you had definitely ruined. Gaster knew about your problem, but as far as you knew, he didn't know how bad it was. Guilt bubbled in your chest, but you pushed it away. It was best he didn't worry about you. Sure, you had entertained the idea of suicide more than once, but you never acted on it. You knew you wouldn't be able to leave him or your friends. Yet, you didn't stop your self-harming. You still found relief in the way the blood would well from your wounds, and the stinging pain that came along with it. 

The sound of boney knuckles rapping against the door pulled you from your thoughts, and panic began building in your gut. 

**[Darling, are you alright?]**

You soul twinged painfully at the concern in your lover's voice. "Yes, I'm fine!"

 **[Are you certain? Can I come** **in?]**

You felt the panic rise further, and it felt as if your throat closing up, silencing you. 

There was a moment where all you could here was the static ringing in your ears. 

**[Darling?]**

The doorknob jiggled, but you didn't move, just stared in fear as anxiety coiled in your gut. 

**[(Name?) Please, answer me.]** The doornob jiggled more, and you felt tears prick your eyes at the panic in your lover's voice, yet you couldn't speak around the painful lump in your throat. 

After another moment, there was the undeniable sound of Gaster's magic, before the door unlocked with a _click_ and was thrown open. Your lover stood in the doorway, beads of lilac-tinted sweat beading on his skull and panic in his sockets. The guilt continued to grow, as did the tears as Gaster's face turned from one of panic, to shock, to sadness, until all you could make out of him was a blob of black and white. 

You could only imagine how you looked, stiff and staring, your abused arm at your side where blood was once again welling. You could do nothing but choke on a sob as Gaster pulled you into his arms, petting at your back and your shoulders, your head, anything he could reach while carefully avoiding your left arm. Soon enough your body began to shake, and your legs gave out on you. Gaster didn't falter, just made his way over to the toilet so you could sit on the closed lid, where he kept his hold on you for a good minute before pulling back to examine the damage. 

You could only stare at his face, waiting for that look of disgust or anger, but it never came. There was only shock, and a great sadness as his abused hands came up to cover his mouth, making your heart break at the sight of how disheveled you had made him. 

You attempted to choke out in apology, but couldn't find the words. 

With great care, as if you were made of glass, Gaster grabbed your wrist and turned your arm rightside up, summoning a hand with an already damp washcloth. As soon as he pressed it to one of the deeper cuts, you flinched, and he visibly recoiled, pausing before continuing with an even softer hand, if that were possible. 

You both sat in a tense silence as he wiped away the blood. After that was done, he reached over to the cabinets beneath the sink, pulling out a first aid kit you had both agreed on keeping handy. 

After applying a generous amount of gauze, Gaster wrapped your arm with great care, than sat back on his knees to look you over. 

"I-I got some on y-your rug," Gaster's eyes flicked up to meet yours. **[Oh, my love, I do not care about the rug.]**

"B-but I-"

**[No, you are much more important than a rug. It is replaceable, you are not.]**

You shut your mouth and nodded. There was another moment of silence before you spoke. 

"I'm sorry." 

Gaster stared at you, stood, and pulled you into a hug. You melted against him, biting back whimpers as tears trailed your face. **[Do not ever apologize for how you feel. Though I do think you could have handled it better, I do not want you to apologize for something you can not control.]**

You sobbed, balling your fists into Gaster's turtleneck, hanging on for dear life as you lover stroked your back. "I-I promise I'll s-stop."

Gaster paused in his motions for a moment. **[Do not make promises you are not sure you can keep. I am not asking you to stop, I am only asking for you to try to be better. I do not expect perfection, nor do I expect you to suddenly get better, because that is not how it works. What I am asking, is for you to come to me the next time you feel this way. We will find better alternatives to this, I can promise that.]**

Gaster continued his motions, and you found yourself crying even harder. What did you do to deserve him?

 **[Let's go to bed, you must be tired, and I think you could use some cuddles.]** Gaster looked down to give you a gentle smile, and you gave him a watery one. Nodding mutely, you yelped as he lifted you into his arms, resting your bum on his lower arm and wrapping his other around your back. You leaned into him easily, letting out a shaky sigh and closing your eyes as he carried you back to your shared bedroom. 

Maybe... maybe you didn't deserve him, but he chose you. And you were going to make sure he made the right choice, no matter what it takes. 

You are determined. 


End file.
